I’m a pretty big deal here on the internet. As such, I understand that many of you would like to get to know me better over some light phone sex and sexting. Or maybe you want to give me a writing job. Whatever. Contacting someone can be scary in this brave new world of ours, what with so many people walking around, all with their own unique communications preferences. Luckily for you, the person wanting to contact me, I have provided all of my personal contact info below.

I look forward to talking to you!

If you’d like to contact me, you can reach me via Email at Luisrafaelprada@gmail.com

I’m also on Facebook at Facebook.com/luisprada

You can follow me on Twitter at Twitter.com/Luis_Prada

My home phone number is (548) 445-48557

My mother’s cell phone number is (328) 348-56451

If you would like to contact me through non-verbal communication, roll your eyes and turn a cold shoulder and my inherent need to be loved by everyone will compel me to respond.

I can also be contacted via a series of arrogant finger snaps that grab my attention/make me think you’re a prick because you think I’m a dog.

If you blow in to a large conch shell, I shall respond. I’m A-Sharp. Don’t blow a B-flat – that’s Aquaman’s note.

I can also be reached by setting ablaze the many oil-soaked braziers that I have strategically placed along the jagged spine of the Rocky Mountains, down through the desert plains of New Mexico, through the vast expanses of Texas, and through the swampy marshes of Louisiana before finally touching down on the sandy beaches of Miami, Florida.

If Morse code is more your speed, I got you covered. Just point your beacon toward latitude 25°47′16″N and longitude 80°13′27″W and flash this:

-.— —- —..—   —. . -   .- -   — . —..—   -.. .- .— —.

If you’re more of a semaphore person, simply wave your flags like so…

…and I’ll be all like, “Yeah, what…?”

I don’t have a mailing address.