I tick, nervously most times. Other times because I’m not nervous and have just gotten used to all the ticking I do when I am nervous, which is often. Over the years I have collected a comprehensive list of every nervous tick I’ve ever developed. These are real. What’s going on in my life at any given time influences how many of these ticks I will have going concurrently. If my only worry is work, I’ll have one, maybe two. If it’s work, a depleted bank account, relationship troubles, and my arch nemesis has foiled one of my dastardly plots again, I could have up to four of these ticks going at the same time. It gets annoying.
1. Excessive blinking, or am I a soviet spy sending coded messages to my comrades? No. I’m not. Blinking just makes reality go away for a fraction of a second.
2. I curl my top lip in to my gums, making it look like my upper lip was sliced away. Kind of like Jim Carry as Fire Marshal Bill.
3. Muscle twitching (quads, calves, biceps, pecs). Nothing turns on the ladies more than a guy that looks like he’s currently receiving electroshock therapy.
4. Spitting. A lot. Mostly when I’m outdoors. I like disrespecting grass.
5. Leg bouncing/shaking.
6 Rubbing the back of my tongue on the roof of my mouth.
7. Sliding my fingernails under other fingernails and applying pressure to that under-the-nail part of the nail. Does that have a name? I’m going to call it the nail basement. I like pressure on my nail basements.
8. Biting skin around nails. It tastes like where my fingers have been! :) Also, it tastes like where my fingers have been! >:O
9. Cracking knuckles. I’m a tough guy.
10. Twitching nose. I’m also a witch from the 1960s. It’s weird that I feel like I have to specify which 60s I’m talking about now that we’re this deep in to a new decade, even though we haven’t seen a new 60s since the last 60s.
11. Biting the inside of my mouth until I have tough little mounds of stringy flesh dotting my inner cheeks. Thrill-seeking bacteria scale these mounds for glory and to have a story that will get them laid for life.
12. Twitching my ears/scalp. It’s my mating call.
13. Making a grinding sound with my mouth that serves no purpose but I like to believe it lets me communicate with rusty brake pads.
14. Rubbing my big toe over my second toe (XO toe?), sometimes until the second toe blisters (aka XO toe woes).
